Jan 202012

I was at the grocery store the other day & some fool tells me, “Wow! Nice bug!! The only thing it’s missing is a flower on the dash. Everyone used to do that!”

I figured I would give it a go– see how it would look- so when I got home I promptly walked out to the garden & cut down my favorite Sunflower. It was a bit larger than when last I saw it & had to rummage thru the shed to find the machete before it could be properly felled. Then I stuck it in the car.

I dunno. Maybe things just aren’t how they used to be? Or maybe it’ll grow on me? We’ll see

Jan 202012

During evaluations I was paired up with a kindly, quiet soul named Tateana Ilex. She’s that type of stunning Scandinavian beauty that drive us men to premature heart failure, & I can’t help but think she played a not so insignificant part in my Failing the skill. See there I was raising the bed up & preparing to cinch the gait belt around her insignificant waist when she does the unthinkable… she flashes me this smile, so slow & warm that– well, lets just say it’s no wonder I put her chariot in the wrong place!

Other students– of course– have other excuses. One in particular stands out:

A short, sturdy kid we call ‘Scarface’ was working the Hoyer lift. This is basically a hydraulic crane on wheels, used to move elephant sized people to and from bed. Now we’ve been taught that one of the first things you do when using the Hoyer is to make sure the bed is locked, & that’s the first thing Scarface did. Bed’s locked! He goes thru some more rigamarole & then turns to unplug the Hoyer & wheel it over to the patients bed. As he does so, the supervising nurse flicks her foot & unlocks the bed. Scarface didn’t have a chance! He returns with the Hoyer, hooks the fake patient up to the sling &… is promptly failed & removed from lab. Why? Because he didn’t check to make sure the bed was locked.

As a student I say, “Of course he did! It was one of the first things he did?!” But in the wonderful world of Nursing School, things are different. In this world, patients spontaneously combust, beds unlock themselves & it is (apparently) our job to be prepared for these … eventualities.

Jan 202012

… Climbing Mt.Kilamanjaro.

Yeah, it’s on my Bucket List. The Lady took me to see 3D Lion King the night it opened (she marketed it to me as a “surprise” otherwise I might not have gone without having a toddler moment of sorts). It was my first 3D movie & I have to say the part with the flamingos is spectacular. But… It was the mountain which stole my attention. I want it. I wanna wake up in one of the coffee plantations at its feet & scan the savanna from it’s crown.

And anyone who says I’m dreaming doesn’t know me very well. It’ll happen. I just need to be patient for a wee bit.

Jan 202012

“I’ve seen things you people wouldn’t believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser gate. All those moments will be lost in time… like tears in rain… Time to die.”

This scene from Blade Runner should be a reminder that– though fleeting– it is our experiences that help define us as individuals. As such, we have a responsibility to ourselves to go out and DO things. New things. Unique things. Things that will shake up our beliefs & change us for…hopefully… the better. Granted, I’m in nursing school right now, & that limits my ability to DO all sorts of things, but at the end of these two years the experience & degree I’ll have should… hopefully… open up all sorts of doors which would have remained locked otherwise.

and I have every intention of opening those doors…

I may choose to take a nursing job & travel to New Zealand, Australia or South Africa. I’ve debated doing a tour of duty with “Doctors w/out Borders” or volunteering to work in a tropical somewhere. I dunno yet. Time will tell.

Regardless, I have a running list of disjointed things I’d like to do. Call it my “Bucket List” if you will. Machu Picchu is on the list. So is…..


Jan 202012

For the past year or so I keep harping about my desire to hike the Inca Trail & see Machu Picchu. But much like Ryan, I’m leery of getting sucked into various over-hyped tourist traps. Thankfully, Machu Picchu isn’t one of them. So, straight from the (well traveled) horse’s mouth:


Ryan Estrada originally shared this post:
Okay, dudes, I was wrong. I was being a stubborn idiot.

I was going to skip Machu Picchu. I gave in, and headed there mumbling to myself about how I’ve seen so many amazing ruins that I didn’t know why I was paying so much money to wait in Disneyland-style lines just to see one full of tourists.

But I get it now. Machu Picchu is amazing. There are so many places that you see for years in books and they always look amazing, but when you get there you realize that they only look that cool from one angle, and that’s where every photographer gets their shot. But I think the photographers haven’t done Machu Picchu justice. Because anywhere you stand, any direction you look, it looks like a postcard. And since you’re usually inside clouds that are constantly moving, if you stand in the same spot 5 minutes later, you get a whole new view.

I even faced my phobia and went on a guided tour and everything the man said was fascinating. I am still plumb blown away by what I just witnessed. If you know any other pretentious travelers who plan to skip Machu Picchu because it’s “too touristy” just give them a good swift kick in the junk. Everybody should see this.

Jan 202012

First Lab Evaluations were today… and I failed them. It was a stupid mistake I made & don’t have anyone but myself to blame, but I’m gonna anyway. We were evaluated on vital signs, restraints (which every self respecting man should practice ad nauseum & pass with flying colors) & transfers with both the Hoyer lift & with a gait belt. I failed the gait belt transfer, & did so cause I put the wheelchair on the Patient’s wrong side, & I did so with all the confidence in the world (NOTE: wheelchair is always placed on the PT’s UNAFFECTED side).

Problem was, when I studied the procedure, I consistently visualized the chariot on the wrong side… Why would I do something so stupid? Because that’s what I was taught in Lab!

In a perfect world, the instructor would go thru the procedure in a very rational way. do this–> then this—> this, then this & finish up by washing your hands. Be clear and to the point. Instead class sounds something like this: Ok, um.. we’re gonna do this, but first you’re gonna want to do this thing way over here &… (two nursing instructors huddle up & question whether or not they’re teaching us the skill properly)… um, actually we’re gonna start like this & then …

Things aren’t necessarily so clear & it’s become commonplace to receive emails clarifying certain steps in the procedure. Sometimes we get two emails from different Professors & more often than not, they too contain conflicting information. Oh well… such is life in the SoN (School of Nursing)

Regardless, failing Isn’t a big deal. I have a chance to re-do them & will only lose 1 point as penalty. I’m just glad I didn’t get caught for something ridiculous like some of my classmates…

Jan 202012

Well… It’s official! I got my contract in the mail today, I am officially an instructor at the College!! Hopefully I’ll be a good professor, the kind that’s adored by his students. Kinda somethin’ like this:

“This college student (pictured) attended Professor Indiana Jones’s Archaeology 101 class in 1936. As one of Jones’s female admirers at Marshall College, she expressed her sentiment by writing “LOVE YOU” across her eyelids.
During Doctor Jones’ lecture, the student flashed the words at him when their eyes momentarily met, causing the teacher to lose his focus and speech to stammer when the bell rang to indicate the end of the class, and the student exited with her peers.”

Jan 202012

After said PAIN lecture I decide it would (once again) be a good idea to walk up to N.Greymane & ask her a question. Before I even open my mouth, she looks up & says, “You’re not gonna be a pain in my butt all semester are you?” Haha!…huh?!

Anyway… during her lecture she made it abundantly clear that (as a nurse) we do not have the right to question whether or not someone is in pain & therefore MUST give pain meds if a patient asks for them (assuming of course that they’ve been prescribed), but… there’s all sorts of stories about MD’s in the ER who hand out narcotics like Halloween candy to well-known, well-documented drug seekers just to stop their constant pestering– (“Oh, ouch. I’m allergic to tylenol, I need dilaudid…NOW!”)– Anyway I was curious, as a nurse who’s not allowed to question someone’s pain, do I dispense those drugs or not?

An answer was not forthcoming. Though I did learn that I’m on yet ANOTHER instructor nurse’s radar when she walked up & called me by name. It’s like a bloody sewing circle around here?! Plan on having no secrets!

Jan 202012

One of the many random lectures we were given this week was on the theme– PAIN. It immediately reminded me of the genius that is Allie Brosh:

0: Hi. I am not experiencing any pain at all. I don’t know why I’m even here.
1: I am completely unsure whether I am experiencing pain or itching or maybe I just have a bad taste in my mouth.
2: I probably just need a Band Aid.
3: This is distressing. I don’t want this to be happening to me at all.
4: My pain is not fucking around.
5: Why is this happening to me??
6: Ow. Okay, my pain is super legit now.
7: I see Jesus coming for me and I’m scared.
8: I am experiencing a disturbing amount of pain. I might actually be dying. Please help.
9: I am almost definitely dying.
10: I am actively being mauled by a bear.
11: Blood is going to explode out of my face at any moment.
Too Serious For Numbers: You probably have ebola.

Jan 202012

Ass out of U and Me (Part 2)

In an effort to pull my foot out of my mouth I went to school the next day and knocked on N.Greymane’s office door. She greets me with one of those looks. And I start eating crow…

“I feel really bad about yesterday. I want to apologize. I have all sorts of respect for my instructors & didn’t mean to step on any toes or mean any disrespect” Yadda yadda.

I leave feeling better about our budding relationship & walk to class where– in my continued effort to get on the good side of my handlers– I greet the Head nursing instructor with a friendly “Goodmorning”. In turn, she responds with a “Adam the Troublemaker. So nice of you to come.”

I am so fucked!