Jan 202012
 

Ass out of U and Me (Part 1)

Early last week I’m sitting in Nurse Greymane’s lecture on “Critical Thinking” & I’m fired up! She put THIS question on the board:

–Which words best describe a Critical Thinker? (choose all that apply):
A.) Risk Taker
B.) Curious
C.) Inflexible
D.) Fair

The answers (according to N.Greymane) are; A, B & D. Um… I might be new to this Nursing thing, but nothing about this makes sense. Even according to her powerpoint, the question is fundamentally wrong. Based on that powerpoint a better question would have been;

–Which words best describe a Critical Thinker? (choose all that apply):

A.) Using abstract ideas to interpret effectively
B.) coming to well reasoned conclusions
C.) thinking close-mindedly
D.) figuring out complex situations
(answers again, A, B & D)

or…

–Which words best describe a GOOD NURSE? (choose all that apply):
A.) Risk Taker
B.) Curious
C.) Inflexible
D.) Fair
(answers again, A, B & D… though N.Greymane has misinterpreted the concept of “risk taker”. What she really means is something along the lines of “good patient advocate”)

Now of course I couldn’t keep my mouth shut (rarely can I) so after class I introduce myself, tell her I was confused when she brought up the question & asked whether or not she meant to ask the question the way I did above. Her response….

“Well, thank you for coming and talking to me. And we all have opinions, but.. the question was properly worded & what the nursing profession NEEDS are people willing to take risks.”

Fuck me!

I thanked her for her time and walked away with a giant target on my back, knowing that I just made my time here WAY more difficult than it has to be. And to make things worse… N.Greymane’s gonna be my clinical instructor.

(continued in part II)

Jan 202012
 

Wha…?! Wow… I’m still kindov in shock, but it looks like I’ve just been promoted from Anatomy & Physiology tutor to part time PROFESSOR! Sure, it’s only 8 hours a week, but they’re giving me my own classroom & everything?! Crazy!

Guess it really does pay to put a little bit of work in over the summer…

Jan 202012
 

It took me long enough but I finally bolted the bug’s engine back in. I’ve stepped up from the piddly 43 horse powerplant to a devilishly snappy 108 horsey heart! Sure, it leaks oil like a sieve & only runs on 2 cylinders at idle, but… I took it for a spin around the block & DAMN does this bitch have balls! I cranked her up to 5500 rpm & raced past a bunch of buddies. Their smiles told the story… this thing’s gonna be a blast to drive!

Jan 202012
 

Nursing school’s a trip. So far I’ve learned how to wash my hands, make a bed, fluff a pillow & how to properly lash someone to a chair or bed– slipknots only please! When we learn these skills our instructor Nurse Flummuxus sometimes asks for volunteers. I raise my hands for the fun stuff & got picked to be the dummy hoisted out of bed with the “Fatty Winch”. All in all it’s a pretty good deal: You relax in bed while Jen & Jane roll you about & put a hammock underneath you. They then clip it up to the Fatty Winch, hoist you up & off you go! To the breakfast room please… Daddy’s hungry!

Jan 202012
 

It’s not often that I find myself feeling like a fish out of water, but this Saturday~Oh! So, there I am– in freshly pressed scrubs & sneaks sooo white– doing vital signs at the raisin farm! I did a lot of standing around groping old folks, adjusting myself & FREAKING OUT! I’m smack dab in the middle of a satirical identity crisis, & trying to hear if one of the ‘walkie talkies’ is gonna go into failure & start flopping around in front of me. I almost didn’t make it.

Jan 202012
 

It’s not so sunny today, but I’ve got flowers! These’re no where near ready, but they’re already HUGE (they’re as tall as I am) & I wanted to make sure they didn’t get blown over in last nights insanity wind. The biggest of the bunch– the one with the stalk thicker than a paper towel tube– was felled & kinda chilling on the sod. I picked her up & lashed her to an old bedpost (truly), & was astonished at the size of her swollen seed-head. It’s easily the size of bowling ball, but cut in half.

Jan 202012
 

Really?
Class yesterday boiled down to the following:
–if you cheat, you fail.
–if you’re not on time, you fail.
–If you lose your golden ticket, you fail. (huh?)
–we grade you using a blue tool. If it says you fail, you FAIL. (I have no idea what this means either)
Then they started teaching us; we learned what Roman Numerals are, how to reduce fractions & how to turn them into decimals. Daunting, I know…. I hope I can keep up, & that my minor in Chaos Theory & Stochastically self similar, Fractilinear Geometry doesn’t get in the way

Jan 202012
 

How many fiery hoops did I have to jump thru in order to get into nursing school? I probably burned thru a million gallons of gas and talked to an entire army of bureaucrats before I got accepted (with a 4.0 BTW). Anyway, one of the few things I didn’t have an issue with was my mandatory physical. Granted I had to go to the Doc’s office 4 separate times to get my TB test done & read, but when I handed the “I’m healthy” form into the school nurse, I was promptly given a gold star! Apparently I was the only person who had a complete form first try! Bonus! I guess the only thing I have to complain about is the $136.90 they charged my ins co. for ONE of two TB tests. I didn’t even see the doctor, & it probably took the nurse a combined total of 32 seconds to give the shot & read my arm when I came back. File this story in the “$8.00 Emergency Room tylenol bill” folder. Ridiculous!

Jan 202012
 

Yesterday I was kidnapped by Dennis & his fake son “N*****” Paul. Both have concealed carry permits & were packing, so how could I say no? Anyway, they brought me to some barber shop in the middle of the hood where we all got lowered & had our beards squared off. Then we did a cultural 180 & hit up some hillbilly bar on the corner of the Tuscarora Indian Reservation (looking REAL good I should add). I got a great fish fry & downed a handful of Dollar Drafts! I can’t even remember the last time I saw dollar drafts. Ah, It’s nice when life’s exciting & those experiences are dirt cheap!

Jan 202012
 

I also figured I’d share a pic of a kitchen I recently renovated:                                                           .